Seeing Red

Hello, my name is Red and... I am an actor. There, I said it. They say the first step is admitting it... and for some sad reason, admitting you are an actor is on about the same level as admitting you are a drug addict, maybe worse. Because a drug addict can rehabilitate.

And so I ask - why is being an actor so bad?

Let's make a list (I love lists)...

Top Ten Things People Think When I Say "I'm an Actor":

10. You are weird - who admits to enjoy playing dress-up as an adult?

9. You have no concrete skills, we bet you don't even have a job.

8. Oh great, another annoying waiter...

7. Your resume of two community theatre productions does not make you an actor.

6. We bet you have a giant ego and constantly talk about yourself.

5. Sigh, you are going to make us pay money to watch some atrocious performance piece that is three hours of you crying over a broken wheelbarrow...

4. ... And then you are going to ask us what it meant.

3. You are vain and are likely to succumb to an eating disorder or the dangers of long term botox usage.

2. You are an unrealistic dreamer whose bubble is going to burst one day - and we don't want to be around when it does.

1. No fair... we secretly wanted to be one so you can't be one.

As I write this I realize that perhaps the title should be "Top Ten Things I THINK People are Thinking When I Say "I'm an Actor"... so maybe that means I'm messed in the head and should stop ragging on myself. Anyway, we digress...

The point is, I am a professional actor trying to make it in the very, very, "small pool" of Calgary acting productions and yesterday I had a commercial audition. Wheee... sigh.

Another room full of some of the same faces - even another redhead friend (who is super nice and pretty and I am totally jealous of her) - and a room full of kids with their parents... and the chick in charge was actually asking the mothers if they wanted to audition as well. WHAT THE F#$%CK! As if we don't have a hard enough problem getting the attention of casting directors but you throw in some desperate non-acting mothers into the mix as well. Obviously they think any random person can spout off their cheesy one line into the camera, so why did I even bother showing up? But I did show up, working through lunch so I could skip out of the office and into the cattle pen. For the love of my craft...

Once in the room with my adorable matching kid, the casting director didn't even bother to introduce himself - why hello, Mr. I'msoimportantandyouarepoo. And speaking of poo - I then had to pretend to pick up dog poo right before delivering the gem of dialogue into the camera lens. It's going to be a doozy... let's hope I get it!